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Big Mary
by Bill Dodds
Mary had a little lamb,
a little toast,
a little jam,
a little pizza
and some cake,
some
French fries
and a chocolate shake,
a little burger
on a bun.
And that's why Mary
weighs a ton. |
Help Wanted
by Timothy Tocher
Santa needs new reindeer.
The first bunch has gotten old.
Dasher has arthritis;
Comet
hates the cold.
Prancer's sick of staring
at Dancer's big behind.
Cupid married Blitzen
and Donner lost his mind.
Dancer's
mad at Vixen
for stepping on his toes.
Vixen's being thrown out--
she laughed at Rudolph's nose.
If you are a
reindeer
we hope you will apply.
There is just one tricky part:
You must know how to fly.
I'b God a Code
by Kenn Nesbitt
"I'b sick," I pout ad blow my doze.
"I'b misseeg all by favorite shows.
I hab to stay id bed,
you see.
My mob wode led me watch TB.
She breegs me chicked soup ad says
that I should try to get sub rest.
Bud
I'b too bored ad icky feeleeg,
tired of stareeg ad the ceiling,
achy, cougheeg, stuffed up, too.
Bud thaks for askeeg.
How are you?"
Bedtime Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not
a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
Who's not afraid to admit when he is wrong
One who thinks
before he speaks.
When he promises to call, he doesn't wait six weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
Won't
lose his cool when he's annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh
send me a man who will make love to my mind.
Know what to say when I ask "How fat is my behind?"
One who'll make
love till my body's a' itchin'
He brings ME a sandwich too, when he goes to the kitchen.
I pray that this man will
love me to no end,
And never compare me to my best friend.
Thank you in advance and now I'll just wait,
For I
know you will send him before it's too late.
Amen
Author Unknown
Internet Men
Won't somebody help me please
It's getting so I'm on my knees
I'm thirty now and without a man
Out
the window went my childhood plan
I should now be married to a sex god
But here I stand, still on my tod
I should have had a couple
of kids
Reality sucks and I'm on the skids!!
Without a man I feel bereft
There aren't that many options left
And so it's my keyboard that
I stroke
To surf the net to find a bloke!!
I can wait no longer on the shelf
I must move forward and by myself
So with anticipation I double
click
Fingers crossed - don't want no pr*ck!!
But how do I know if they're for real?
As they keep me guessing with their spiel
Tall, dark,
handsome and very rich
Means fat, poor, lonely and a titch!!
How can I find that one Mr Right
When internet dates are such a fright?
They all seem wierd -
I don't mean to moan
Maybe I'm better off on my own...........
Have you ever been Horny and hungry?
Fun With Food
As I lay here with my legs spread
Like hot butter bleeding on
stale bread.
The warm insides of my cantaloupe thighs
cry out in extasy as you eat my cherry pie.
Visions of cucumbers
often enter my mind
and sometimes hot dogs, the plump when you cook'em kind
Whipped cream all covered with goo
slurping
green jello in the tub with you
You are my world my little cupcake,
I want to lick your cream filling until you ache.
Your
Juicy Avacadoes so plump, and so ripe.
Lets just do it in the kitchen tonight!!
Alphabet Crap
Here I sit upon this bowl,
Protruding stuff out from my hole.
From my room I then
did stroll,
To show its beauty as my goal.
To see an A is just as fair.
To see an S would be so rare.
But I tell you crap,
please beware,
Do not get caught up in my hair.
Making two I's to make a T.
I'll make it curve to form a C.
An I and C would make
a D,
Floating in this murky sea.
Eat some corn, a fine display.
Arrange three logs to form a K.
A small curve in
one will make a J.
But eating bran won't cause delay.
Many friends will make a Y,
But whom of them can dot the
i.
And when you're done, please don't cry,
For when you flush, just say goodbye.
What started as a chicken wrap,
Went through my system in a snap.
From out
the hole into the gap,
Has now become alphabet crap.
